Nobel cause

Little did Alfred Nobel realise what he would get into when he instituted the Nobel Prize. Though it is a noble cause, Nobel has led to a lot of people in the noble profession of pedagogy to corner most of his post 'last journey' money! I do believe though, that there is enough of it to last the rest of our existences. Just learnt about the concept of 'permenancy of money' from one individual belonging to the noble profession which Nobel really seems to like.

Nobleness is not restricted to Nobel winners only. While Scott undertook the noble endeavor of taking on the not so noble corporate world by its pants, little did he realise that he had already embarked on a very very noble mission. For that effort, I do second 'Artharaja' and his theories on 'Why Scott is so noble that he deserves a Nobel?'.

Nobel was not a freak guy. He actually does not fit into both the thories of freakification as propounded by Artharaja in his previous posts. Neither did he go bananas over the atoms, neutrons, quantum physics, fundamental and not so fundamental particles. Nobel was just a noble. And in all his nobleness, Nobel created a trust which was left with noble men who he thought he could trust. Isn't that a noble cause on behalf of Nobel? This Nobel trust undergoes the noble cause of identifying psychos who know more and more of less and less and then orders them nobly to identify much more and more about much less and less. I do think it is a very noble cause.

Coming back to Scott... Doesn't he know more and more about less and less? In this wide corporate world which is filled with not so noble people, Scott identifies a noble man who everyone in the not so noble corporate would identify with. And thus began the journey of Dilbert Noble. Whether you are the noble boss or the one who suffers with a not so noble boss, you identify with the all so noble Dilbert Nobel and hence you deserve the Nobel too. If you in your not so noble capacity deserve the Nobel, why shouldn't Scott?
Thus spake the theory of Nobelification of Scott Adams.

PS: If you are the 'Oh! So noble sub-ordinate' trying to figure out what to do with the 'Not so noble' boss, read this!!!

Human Nature

As the sage Scott Adams has so wisely stated, human nature is characterised by three cardinal attributes - selfishness, stupidity and horniness. This conclusion is surprisingly congruent with the Darwinian, Dawkinsian and Dickensian models of human nature.

The motivations behind all volitional human activities can be deconstructed to arrive at one or more of the above fundamental particles of human nature, each type in varying proportions. Selfishness, stupidity and horniness therefore are the quarks of human nature.

Therein lies the genius of Mr Adams. What physicists are only tentatively beginning to achieve now by expending stupendous amounts of time, money and efforts - in terms of discovering the fundamental particles constituting all matter, Scott Adams has effortlessly achieved for human nature with a nifty stroke of the pen (or the keyboard).

I hereby nominate Scott Adams to receive the Nobel Prize for psychology!

Repeat to Remember and Remember to Repeat!!

Memory is a condition characteristic of the crenellated crevices covering the cauliflowers contained in our cranial cavities. Recollection, probably constitutes of tiny tingling pulses of electricity swirling in the neuro-chemical soups surrounding the synaptic segments.

Repeated repetitions of repetitious repertoires result in robust retention and rapid recollection.

Unless pupils are purposefully preached to by pedantic pundits perpetrating pedagogic prudery punitively, perpetual preparatory perfection would be potentially precluded. The resulting alliterative altercations would alternate with abstruse allegations of asinine articulations around artificial aberrations. The abhorrent application of attitudinal atrocities would aggravate anarchical analects asymptotically thereby adducing analytical accuracy about aboriginal agglomerations.

Repeat... repeated!

The delusion of the unnecessary belief that repeating the same message being given to the receiver over and over again, will lead to a perfect reception of the message being sent by the sender to the receiver may lead to annoying situations and unnecessary confusions. The trepidation and the trembling fear that a repetitive message being given over and over again to the receiver by the sender is actually an annoying situation or a troublesome state of affairs. This is a disease or a malfunctioning capability which typically haunt people or human beings in the teaching or educating or tutoring profession who are otherwise referred to as teachers / gurus / pedagogues or similar repetitive terms. I once had a professor who is the profession of teaching and teaching Chemistry at that, who used to repeat the word 'remember' way too many times. He used to say it so many times you wouldn't believe it! So many times, that we actually used to count the number of times by using the milkman counting system which uses fourlines and a cross over to count 5. There was less of Chemistry and more of 'remember'. Consider a sentence which goes: "Remember remember, remember to remember that you need to remember the formula". How goes it? Tell me, how goes it??? So don't repeat yourself I say... Just don't repeat yourself... I just mean that you shouldn't say the same things over and over and over and over and over and over again and again and again and again...

REPEAT

This is a repeat post; one that I'd posted elsewhere before. But it fits the general theme and is inspired by Nim Chimpsky's, er, Noam Chomsky's quote - "Colourless green ideas sleep furiously!"

"This is a test of the over all absorptive ability of the new ream of papier de macha. Emain macha and domain macha are two new colourless ideas that sleep curiously and hence can be given over to the scion of alien abductions and its associated stigmata. That in itself should be inordinately pleasing for the sumptuous delectations of new caledonian paparazzi. Prima facie, the assessments involved in the convoluted confabulations of esperanto should be factored into the Romano-British bathing superstructure over and above the idiot savantism inherent to the post-modernist sobriquet movement of substance. Verily would that be a substantial improvement over the predelictions of Rochellias that entail the verdant fields of dorset. The neo-Neanderthal outpourings of capitulated crenellations confined to the obstreperous vituperations of the said in situ perforations can be construed to contain collaborative corrosions currently called corpus-callosums."

Sit in a quiet place . . .

. . . I DARE you to find one!

"Quiet Place" is a myth. An "earless you" or a "de-eared you" is the only feasible situation that can approach the platonic form that is "quiet place".

There are various versions to how the universe came about to end up in this fallen state bereft of a quiet place. The Biblical version of this Creation story - goes something as given below:

Long long ago there was only quiet and no place. God found this lack of place a most inconvenient truth! "It is quite quiet here!", He mused. "I say, it would be quite capital if could add a place to it so as to derive a quite quiet place!", He concluded!

"Let there be place", He declared. And there was place.

He quite liked the idea of "Let there be", so He let some more "Let there be"s lose on the hapless place that He had "let there be"ed first. As a consequence, place was soon filled with such miscellaneous clutter as earth, sky, stars, sun, moon, oceans, plants, animals and a certain proto-"Jean Baptiste Luc Planchon" called 'Adam'.

Crowded though place was, as a consequence of all the above tenants jostling for place in place, it still somehow managed to be reasonably quiet. Adam had a jolly good time in place, back then, eating Big-Macs and KFC Chicken (yes, I know chicken is redundant here), drinking water called beer, and driving about place in his SUV. However, all this high cholesterol diet made poor Adam rather obese and one quiet day he started complaining quietly of quite severe chest pain! As a result God had to perform emergency surgery. He opened up Adam's hemithoraces and did the needful therein. But while zipping Adam back up, He forgot to put back an element of Adam's endoskeletal framework, that He had removed in order peer and poke about freely.

He was absently doodling with that spare bit of endo-skeleton one fine day when some of His "Let there be"s ran amok again and He ended up "Let there be"ing a certain someone, He didn't know quite what to do with. So he sent this person to place to be a companion to Adam.

The consequence of the 'company' this person kept with Adam is better known as the Big Bang Theory today. Place has never known quiet ever since.

Equation

Considering that more than 10 hours of your waking time is spent at work place, you are supposed to have a better EQUATION with your boss than your spouse. To find out how good your equation is with your boss, do the following:

• Sit in a quiet place
• Ensure there is no one in the vicinity and that no one will be in the vicinity for the next 20 minutes.
• Plugging your ears will be helpful. At least, you don't have to hear yourself!
• Close your eyes
• Take a deep breath (Confirm if you have brushed your teeth)
• Once you have taken sufficiently long and deep breath, ensure you let it out too... (else you might have delusions and visions of wearing white with a couple of wings hanging from your shoulders. This might lead you to believe that you are Superman, which might be false)
• Take a deep breath again
• Let it out again (repeat breathing in and out about 20 times)
• When you feel a little sleepy / drowsy, imagine standing in front of your boss!
• If your boss looks like a sexy woman (and if you are a man), then open your eyes immediately. Because such thoughts might lead to a cracked household. (Note: the vice versa of this equation is also true)
• If your boss looks angry, with blood shot eyes and dark skin (like South Indian Actor Vijayakant), then open your eyes immediately. Because it means that your 'equation' with your boss is always like that of the equation between India & Pakistan.
• If your boss looks sleepy, then try talking to him / her. And find out whether he / she loves you (platonically though). This might lead to pleasant situations and a hefty bonus
• If your boss has an impish smile, continue with your eyes closed and imagine that you are on your knees pleading for your life and job. This might placate him / her and ensure that your life is not put in jeopardy. Also, please ensure that he / she does not get anywhere near Dilbert comics. Scott Adams is a source of such impish characters and will plug further ideas into your boss' head!
• If your boss has a quiet demeanor and is absolutely poker-faced, then there could be two possibilities. Either (s)he is neutral about you, which means your existance doesn't make any difference or (s)he has already spoken to HR about you. All I can say is 'God bless you'.
• If your boss smiles at you... smile back...
• Slowly open your eyes
• Bring your consciousness back to where you are seated
• Ensure that no one saw you
• Get the F$%# back to work and work your f&*%ing ass off and ensure that no mother-f&*%ing SOB can fire you ever!

Because the equation doesn't matter anymore... dependencies do!

FREAK

Objects of the above titular description abound in this universe. But they tend to be more densely concentrated in the vicinity of an observer, especially an observer who blogs. This is called Artharaja's Principle of Freakification, named after the prototypical Arch-Freak Artharaja.

A FREAK may be triggered or untriggered. The most conspicuous benefit of triggered freakification is the ability to blame the trigger, when on the contrary in the case of most freaks, the trigger would more aptly be felicitated if it belonged to a loaded double-barreled shotgun.

On the other hand, untriggered freaks have the distinction of autogeniture sui generis.The probability of detecting a self-generated freak in any given location is is an exponential function of the ardency of the observer's desire to be unfreakified multiplied by Avogadro's number squared.

IN laymans terms;

P(x = FREAK) = e^{f(ψ.g(A₀.∑y2)}

This is the Second Law of Freakification. Complex numerical and analytical closed-form solutions to the above oscillating probabilistic function have partial differential coefficients that in an organisational context put freaks in every function.

Banana goes Random

Banana (belonging to the family Musaceae) is an awesome fruit which gets peeled before consumed - cooked or uncooked. As an aside, the peelings have to be handled with care since peelings on the floor can bring the hot-stepper on it to horizontality from verticality. Such sudden transfer from verticality to horizontality also leads to dizziness. Take care (I don't mean Garnier).
Banana Pancakes are very good to eat. I don't really know about how good they are for health though. They do taste yummmmmm!!! Here is the recipe if you are so keen. Eating Banana Pancakes on a regular basis may lead to diabetes and may prove to be extremely harmful to your health. So just cut it, taste it and then stay away from it! Sounds like the old Hero Honda ad huh!?!?
Banana Republic is not a small country in the middle of nowhere! It is a derogatory term for an unstable country, which is corrupt and ruled by people who can be called HOOLIGANS! BTW, there is a very stable brand of the same name from GAP.
Banana Pancake is also the name given to a backpacking trail. Typically in South East Asia, these are the routes taken by backpackers on a regular basis to explore, enjoy and freak out in life.
Here it goes... Eat Bananas, take care of the peel, make pancakes, wear pancakes, and enjoy them and travel along the Banana Pancake trail to freak out...
You know what???? FREAK OUT

Peelings

Peelings are of different types. Well, if you feel like peeling a banana, you better peel it, else someone is going to peel it and banana-skin you when you are on the way to meet the boss-man!

This most certainly happens at the place where you and your colleagues gather to sip coffee, forward jokes and draw salaries for pretending to work. So don't just hold the banana! PEEL IT!!

Bottling the banana unpelt will lead to stress (for the bottle), pressure for the blood (usually, but not always, in the banana), and lots of spilt, uneaten / half-eaten and hurled, banana splits.

So LET GO and PEEL PEEL PEEL away! Peel as if your life depended upon it!

Hail Banana! छिलके की जय हो!

Feelings

Feelings are of different types. Well, if you feel like hitting someone, you better hit, else that someone is going to hit you. You can go through this feeling mostly at your work-place, place of work, work location, near your seat or just in front of you! Don't just hold it up. Bottling them up will lead to stress, blood pressure and a lot of bloopers in life. Let go!