- Sit in a quiet place
- Ensure there is no one in the vicinity and that no one will be in the vicinity for the next 20 minutes.
- Plugging your ears will be helpful. At least, you don't have to hear yourself!
- Close your eyes
- Take a deep breath (Confirm if you have brushed your teeth)
- Once you have taken sufficiently long and deep breath, ensure you let it out too... (else you might have delusions and visions of wearing white with a couple of wings hanging from your shoulders. This might lead you to believe that you are Superman, which might be false)
- Take a deep breath again
- Let it out again (repeat breathing in and out about 20 times)
- When you feel a little sleepy / drowsy, imagine standing in front of your boss!
- If your boss looks like a sexy woman (and if you are a man), then open your eyes immediately. Because such thoughts might lead to a cracked household. (Note: the vice versa of this equation is also true)
- If your boss looks angry, with blood shot eyes and dark skin (like South Indian Actor Vijayakant), then open your eyes immediately. Because it means that your 'equation' with your boss is always like that of the equation between India & Pakistan.
- If your boss looks sleepy, then try talking to him / her. And find out whether he / she loves you (platonically though). This might lead to pleasant situations and a hefty bonus
- If your boss has an impish smile, continue with your eyes closed and imagine that you are on your knees pleading for your life and job. This might placate him / her and ensure that your life is not put in jeopardy. Also, please ensure that he / she does not get anywhere near Dilbert comics. Scott Adams is a source of such impish characters and will plug further ideas into your boss' head!
- If your boss has a quiet demeanor and is absolutely poker-faced, then there could be two possibilities. Either (s)he is neutral about you, which means your existance doesn't make any difference or (s)he has already spoken to HR about you. All I can say is 'God bless you'.
- If your boss smiles at you... smile back...
- Slowly open your eyes
- Bring your consciousness back to where you are seated
- Ensure that no one saw you
- Get the F$%# back to work and work your f&*%ing ass off and ensure that no mother-f&*%ing SOB can fire you ever!
Because the equation doesn't matter anymore... dependencies do!
"Ensure there is no one in the vicinity and that no one will be in the vicinity for the next 20 minutes."
ReplyDeleteIn the cubicle farms most of us call 'office' these days the above property can only be met by the loo!
i don't know about your workplace but in america, the multipe cubible loo's still won't allow a 20 minute span of peace.
ReplyDeletesomeone will wonder why you are still in there and either tell your boss you'd doing drugs or call 911.
if you're a woman, 20 minutes in the loo is enough for at least 3 people to come in a converse with you through closed doors.
face it. you're screwed... so get the f%$# back to work.
Anything more than 7 minutes at the loo calls for uncalled intrusions. Any takers?
ReplyDeleteClosed circuit TV surveillance?
ReplyDeleteWhy waste the precious air by drawing it in for 20mts...call him/her for a drink. make him/her sloshed and ask the questions. Dont forget to claim the drinks later.
ReplyDeleteThanks R. But wouldn't that be conventional. The idea is to pursue the random!!! :)
ReplyDelete