Malignancy

The kind commiserations of considerate colleagues expressed in a prior article on this forum have prompted me to return the favour in kind, with compound interest, calculated in a linked spreadsheet with custom built stochastic functions augmented by Boolean algebra and informal logic. Gobibral Haemorrhage, while it is highly contagious, has a well identified infective vector named Stress Drone Attack (SDA).

However Gobi No. 1 appears to be afflicted by a rather virulently malignant astrocytoma of the Gobi identified as “Advertisia Marketoma”. Unlike infectious vectors, this condition is not caused by infective carriers like virii, bacteria, plasmodia, prions (though the symptoms resemble those of the BSE – Buffalo Spongiform Encephalopathy, or भूसा-भेजा-भैँसा as it is colloquially known). Some Gobis are congenitally prone to develop this malignancy. It is also suspected that they are genitally prone to develop this malignancy, but recent literature suggests that clinical trials on fattened hamsters have not been successful at replicating the condition at any level of significance.

Some of the common symptoms of Advertisia Marketoma include, but are not limited to, inter alia the following:

• irrational herbivorism
• wilful and wanton whiskeration
• bipolar vocabulary syndrome – with language alternating between the verbiage patterns of stevedores and diphthong enunciations of Franciscan Friars, sporadically
• morbid interest in gasoline wasting pursuits of over-paid chauffeurs
• orchestration of sting operations by swarms of simpering simian scribes on hapless victims
• prolonged postprandial perambulation for the purpose of oral incineration of nicotiana tabacum
• cranial corrosion from celluloidal confabulation

Absence of infective vector precludes use of antibiosis for therapeutic considerations. Acute lobotomy may ameliorate some of the most pestilential symptoms. However, contagion may not be an immediate concern.